I hear for many people, it takes many years and a couple of kids later to have their husband domesticated to being awesome at housework. IF it even comes. For some, a whole lifetime together and the husband may still be far from being the slightest bit domestic.
I must have been lucky. After only 3 years, and one child later, Husband is already pretty good at handling MOST things. He cooks sometimes, he helps with laundry almost all the time, has no qualms about changing shitty diapers and even offer to bathe my son as frequent as he can, which is pretty often. In fact, he does do a lot of the major heavy-lifting in the house. I am utterly blessed. In fact I really didn’t have to wait, he was helpful since we first married. He just adds more to the list now that our responsibilities have extended to being parents.
He probably hates doing laundry as much as I do, maybe even more, but the fact is, these days especially, he does it so much more than me. Our washing machine is on the third floor at the outdoor terrace. It takes about 20steps up the stairs to reach from the second floor. I think he is being considerate of me being a lady (and now, a pregnant one at that) that he ends up bringing the laundry basket which is usually heavy upstairs and figured since he’s up there might as well just do it, hence our laundry chore is now mostly done by him. I have mountains (not one but a few) of the clean laundry piling in the room for me to fold and clear away to keep up with his hardworking laundrying. This is superb, because I hate doing laundry. He is SUPERB.
The thing about Husband is that he usually doesn’t ask, or offer. Mostly he just up and does it. This extends beyond just laundrying. Like bathing our son which is fast becoming his regular chore now than mine and taking MY car for a wash or taking out the thrash. Yesterday, we had a day of house cleaning. The sun was perilous. I was at the kitchen, my assigned area. Husband, well he doesn’t have a particularly assigned area – more like everywhere. But he knew what he wanted to do without prompting and taking advantage of the death-defying heat, he aired out all the mattresses and comforters and pillows that we have at the balcony (thank goodness we have a huge one). This was quite a feat, because our mattress is heavy even for a guy to move alone, but he did. He also finished washing 80% of the dirty laundry and on top of that he cleaned up our room which is pretty badly messed up and dusty. By the time I finished with the kitchen, he was done with our room and the laundry. And we also have fresh smelling mattresses and pillows and comforters. I didn’t know what was going on upstairs as I was in the kitchen the whole time, but when I finally went up and saw what he had done, I was not only relieved and felt like half the burden evaporated from my shoulders, I was also impressed by the labour-intense initiatives he took to keeping the house clean, all on his own. I felt happy, touched, loved and grateful beyond words. More so because, if it were me, I wouldn’t have bothered with or even thought of airing ALL of our pillows and mattresses and comforters out in the hot sun. ALL of it. As usual, he is a man of actions, not mere words.
I probably didn’t thank him enough but yesterday, I am reminded again, as I often have been countless times before, of how wonderfully great he is as a partner. We’re in it together and he doesn’t allow me to feel like I have to do everything, this includes parenting, cooking and especially housework-related chores on my own – something atypical of a Malay guy that he is. Indeed, this is a saving grace for a working mother and wife of a 3storey household to manage on her own. I don’t know just what I would do without him. For a pregnant lady, just the thought of going up three storeys high is a chore, and the idea of managing the whole house alone is truly daunting. But a Husband as helpful, thoughtful and considerate as the one I have, I have been told is not easy to come by, at all. I must have done something right in life to be blessed with a husband as thoughtful as him.
I have been taught by mom to always count my blessing and be grateful for what I have, rather than be spiteful and bitter for what I don’t have. We don’t have many things, like a good functioning fridge (yet. the one we have is slowly picking on our sanity and awaiting time to be replaced, soon) or a big family car (which is okay still cause its only the three of us now), or a nanny (cause we prefer not to have a stranger living in while we can still manage it), or even built in cabinets. But that’s all material. It will all come with time and savings (cause we hate swiping cards and prefer full cash for them hence the time). However, having a loving and helpful husband, a wonderful child, and a nice home with great neighbours to live in, these more than surpass any material limitations we have. These are things money cannot buy, except the house. But making a home out of it is not something that can be bought off the market. It is something we build upon with love, commitment and spirit. I would be happy to live without a new grand dining table or a king sized bed for a while just as long as I get to eat my meals at home with my husband and son on the creaking chair of the old table set, and sleep with them each night on the current queen sized with adjoining single bed. I mean its not like we don’t have a dining table or a bed, we just don’t have the better one we would love to have. In retrospect, a grand spanking new dining table will never compensate for the warm company of beloved family members sharing a meal together, and a queen sized plus single bed put together side by side is actually bigger than a single king sized bed on its own. And the best of all, a loving partner who never once makes you feel you’re on your own, in hardships or happiness and a child who perpetually puts a smile to your face all the time even when its rough – I would give up any material things for these two. Soon, we will have another addition to the family. These are true blessings to be thankful for.
Post-script: at least we have a big TV now. Our first LED Full HD 3D. So much hype going on over it. Jom! Come by our place and hang out for a 3D movie!